Paige Turco plays a plain Jane in the new CIA spy series The Agency. But we’ve got startling photographic evidence that proves the role is just another cover-up.

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Upon scoping out CBS’s new spy thriller The Agency, you may have a tough time recognizing Paige Turco. On the show, the Massachusetts-born actress with sexy credentials (before this role, Paige played the delightfully accommodating lesbian on NYPD Blue and the orgasmic older woman who drove Scott Wolf to drink on Party of Five) has somehow been cast as a mousy forgery expert. A forgery expert? That, sir, is a fraud. Paige is so hot she could steam the serial numbers off a ten-spot. But with her obvious assets, it can’t be long before The Agency reassigns her to a job that reveals more of her true self. And then we’ll all be watching.

STUFF: So you’re a Catholic-school vet. Any coming-of-age stories that involve flannel skirts, heavy petting and gallons of booze?
PAIGE: No, I was really good. We did have this movie theater that we’d go to. Our parents would drop us off, and we would pay our money and simply go out the theater’s back door and hang out. Do you remember that button that said, my mom thinks i’m at the movies? That was kind of our story.

STUFF: More, please.
PAIGE: Oh, I almost got kicked out of school. I’d sneak out, get into a car with a bunch of townies and drive to Roxbury, where we drank beer and hung out. That’s as bad as it got.

STUFF: Wow. Let me regain my footing. How bad do you get when you get bad now?
PAIGE: I’m a good girl.

STUFF: Except when…
PAIGE: My favorite sexy thing to do now is salsa dancing. It’s safe sex, really. I go to the Conga Room in L.A., Jimmy Smits’ place.

STUFF: I love Jimmy Smits!
PAIGE: And the Copa in New York. It’s amazing. I am a sensualist. I like feeling a man’s hand on the small of my back, a man who knows what he’s doing—leading, but not pushing, anticipating but not being aggressive. Oh, my God! A good salsa is better than sex.

STUFF: You should talk to a therapist—or a caterer. So what makes a guy a good dancer?
PAIGE: A guy who can control me. Because of my dance training, it takes a lot for me not to lead. It’s a rhythm thing.

STUFF: Speaking of which, how would you relate dancing to sex?
PAIGE: You can tell from how someone dances with you how he’ll be in bed. He doesn’t have to be a technically proficient dancer to be great in bed, but it helps. Sex is all about balance and sensitivity and being aware of where the other person’s energy is. Great dancers are usually great lovers. Whether they’re worth two cents as people is another story. I should make guys dance with me before they get any further.

STUFF: Or make them beg.
PAIGE: I think sexuality and sensuality are very healthy. What’s scary is when people hide it. I think sex is fun and, for better or worse, funny. I get some of my biggest laughs during sex. You need to talk about sex with a sense of humor, especially because sex is a sensitive area for a lot of people. The other thing is that you may not want to tell the world everything you do in bed.

STUFF: Could you please talk about sex some more?
PAIGE: A lot of men like visceral sexuality, but that doesn’t mean that sex only means big boobs in your face.

STUFF: OK, you just lost me.
PAIGE: The quiet librarian can be sexy. I like being sexy in subtle ways. It takes time to learn as a woman to trust whatever it is you have. Playing Terri [in The Agency], I wanted to take a very shy, wounded person and make her sexy. I think she’s very feminine and also very excited by the danger of espionage.

STUFF: So…you played a lesbian on NYPD Blue. Guess what I’m going to ask next?
PAIGE: I don’t know. I’ve been asked a lot of things, so shoot.

STUFF: Way to not do my job for me. How many lesbian overtures have you received since your character first debuted on the show?
PAIGE: Direct ask-outs? None. Not one.

STUFF: OK, well, did you do a lot of research to prep for this role?
PAIGE: Ah…ha. No, because I wanted to approach it from…it was very important for me to play her as a woman who had the same problems that we all have within our lives—and [lesbianism] just happens to be her sexual preference.

STUFF: Uh-huh. Ever kiss a girl?
PAIGE: Have I ever? No. No, I’m telling you, I lead a very boring life. I guess I never realized it…

STUFF: Let’s pretend your name is spelled P-A-G-E, rather than P-A-I-G-E. As a page, what would you let me write on you?
PAIGE: Oh, wow! What would I let you write on me? What would I let you write or where?

STUFF: You made my question better! Both.
Probably my calf. Maybe that’s a dancer thing. I don’t know what I’d let you write. This is very hard. What would I write on myself? Probably very happy to be blessed. And if I wrote it myself, it’d be on the small of my back.

STUFF: Since you star in a show titled The Agency, it leads me to believe you’re an expert on all agencies. So what’s up with the FBI? I mean, could they have more Russian spies on the payroll? Got any inside information for me?
PAIGE: No. To be honest with you, I don’t want to know. We actually filmed at CIA headquarters. They did a two-week background check on me.

STUFF: Anything in your background that you were worried they’d discover?
PAIGE: No. But it creeped me out more than anything. I was like, God, are they bugging my apartment? Are they talking to my neighbors?

STUFF: You played the role of April O’Neil in the two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle sequels (TMNT to insiders). How does one prepare for a role opposite four reptilian-human hybrids with a penchant for pizza and ass-kicking?
PAIGE: Well, it takes a lot of imagination. It was probably one of the hardest things to do.

STUFF: Did you ever journey to one of your local pet stores and have an open dialogue with our shelled friends of the deep?
PAIGE: No, no, no. Because they wouldn’t be able to talk back to me.

STUFF: Oh…OK. One last question: Would you describe yourself as sexually courageous, voracious or advantageous?
PAIGE: Courageous, voracious or…

STUFF: Or advantageous. At Stuff, we like to rhyme.
PAIGE: I wouldn’t describe myself. You’d have to ask my guy. I am Catholic, remember! On some level, you’d hope I’d be all of the above.

STUFF: Can I get some specific examples of at least one of the above?
PAIGE: With a question like that, I have to say ask my guy.

Sigh. Billy Joel was right about you Catholic girls.